that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
