Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
