Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
