Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
