Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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