Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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