eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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