I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
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just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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