when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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