I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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