Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We have started to decorate penises.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
