Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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