So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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