I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
