be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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