TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
His hands were made for my vagina.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We need to get me chipped asap
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