my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
