Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
