his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
