I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Who died my cat blue again?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
