Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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