Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
This house was built for laser tag.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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