I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
