I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
