you traded sex for a burrito?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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