I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
