she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
