I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
