home. puking in laundry basket.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
