I bet he comes in French.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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