Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
