i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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