Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
