oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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