Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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