End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
