You work out of a Hotel?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
be right there i have to get my cape
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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