I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
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