ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
