And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
