I love black thongs
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My vagina is officially offended.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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