my soul wont recognize me after tonight
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
