Plan B is the new Plan A
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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