oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
