her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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