I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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