I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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