Im at strip club and am horny
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
