Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
