hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
