Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
