I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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