He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it's like iHOP with fire
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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