You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
