Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
