I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
