my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
