So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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