Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
