I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
