I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
