Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
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it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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