The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
