we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I am one with the molecules
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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