I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize