I just pynch a tree in the face
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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