you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
