my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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