Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
